On that day when everything broke,
When everyone else left,
You were the only one who remained.
Your voice, strong and smart
Was all I had to ease my pain.
Like a needle, you stuck in me,
Under your stupor,
Never did I realize my wounds never healed.
You made yourself out to be the hero
Made me sing songs of praises
Made me indebted to you
I tried to repay you but for some reason
I just couldn’t.
No, even beyond my broken limits I was incapable.
Years went by
And the wounds still remained fresh
Needlepoint by needlepoint you eased me.
Still broken I could not stand on my own.
Slumped on your shoulders, never could I imagine
A life without you,
Lest I fall crippled.
I couldn’t see it when
You slithered around me
And like a serpent, you squeezed
Breaking my spine, my ribs my heart and my soul
But I couldn’t feel it
I was too numb under your spell.
Little did I imagine,
That in every tragedy,
In every nightmare,
You lurked in the shadows.
The alleys where you sold your
Sick and twisted wares.
One day, I could feel your narcotic trance
Wear off, the burden of my pain too great,
Even for you. In that one sober moment
I felt it, the pain from long ago.
Never did I imagine that
What was wrong with me, was you.
I confronted you once and
All you tried to do was sell me
was more snake oil.
Then you told me it was my fault
That I was buying less and less.
And that was killing you.
I don’t know when you affixed these strings
Now that I see them,
a pair of scissors is all I need.
Yet time was against me
As the agony sunk back in
And blood pooled beneath my flesh.
I found a pair, in an old cup
Sitting at my desk and drew them close
Their sharp edge ready to severe us forever.
And yet I hesitated
For years I hesitated.
For years I suffered hoping for more release.
Then that fateful day came
When all your soma, all your lies
Could not blot out the pain!
I cut you loose, swore off your bitter entreaties!
I dragged you full force and cast you
Deep into the abyss
Where I will be unable to follow you.
When I quit cold turkey
I felt nails drive into my skull,
My body quivered with hunger,
The pain, laughing.
I thought I might find you
If I cast my line somewhere deep.
I fished for days in the misty sea
And pined for your claws in my flesh
Yet the longer it took to find you
My bones mended, my flesh bled no more.
Miraculous, the pain began to wane
Just like when I first knew you.
One day I found myself standing tall
Whipping my line to catch you
That’s when I realized I’d been healed
The lepper cured of plague,
The exiled coming home.
Without you, I grow stronger
Day by day.
One day, I’ll even be stronger than you.